Mom to a boy becoming a man

When you are a mother to a boy on the verge of manhood it can be just as confusing to you as it is to him.  Maybe even more so.  Obviously, I'm no expert on this as my oldest is just starting his "transition".  He's actually been sporting some facial hair for over a year.  He had his first shave this past week.  WOW, that one was tough. He's not even a teen yet!  Every day, I see changes in him, he's growing up so fast. He talks to me about a lot of stuff that most boys probably wouldn't talk to their moms about.  Will he talk to me about THIS??  I have no idea.  It's scary to think he might but at the same time, I never want him to be embarrassed or ashamed to talk either.  This is all a part of growing up.  Growing up....... seriously wasn't he just a baby yesterday!  In life and especially as parents you go through "seasons".  We are definitely entering a new season, as our youngest is about to turn 8.  We don't have "babies" anymore.  Now it's really about raising them into the adults they will become.  It's an overwhelming responsibility.  But it's the most amazing blessing!

Life outside the ZONE

So it's been about a weekish since I exited the Twilight Zone.  It's been an amazing week.  Don't get me wrong nothing amazing happened.  In fact some pretty crappy stuff happened.  However, for the first time in over 2 years I really feel like myself.  I look in the mirror and I see ME. I am PRESENT in my life, not just floating through it.   I just feel like the OLD me is back...or on the way back.  Either way, the hard decisions I had to make were definitely the right ones.

Life in the twilight zone...

Ok so I guess I've never actually watched the Twilight Zone.  However, I feel like I've been living in it.  It's crazy to come to the realization that everything you thought were truths were just fabrications.  It's like a dream and you wake up and all the sudden you see everything so clearly.  How could we have missed the truth staring us in the face, how could we continue this cycle that had been tearing us down...How could we have completely missed the fact that this is what was tearing us down.  The thing about the twilight zone or at least my version of it is once you come out of it there's no going back in.  No way to unlearn what you've learned, no way to go on pretending, no way unsee what is now staring you in the face.  So what do you do?  I don't know but I'm going to have to figure it out.