Take your own advice

Earlier this week I was talking to my kids about what they wanted to do when they grow up.  They had a lot of ideas but one thing bothered me. They would get excited about an idea but then shut it down. Say something  like but we couldn't do that or so and so said that's not a good idea. So I shut that down real quick.  I told them not to ever let anyone tell them what they couldn't do.  That if they want to travel and see the world to do it. If they want to go to one of the best colleges to do it. If they want to live in Paris do it. If they want to find a cure for a disease or play in the NBA to do it.  I told them to allow themselves to dream and then be brave enough to go after it.  I titled this rambling taking your own advice because all to often as grown adults we let what others say define us, to box us in and shut us down. We don't dare to dream and be definitely don't take that leap of faith and go after it.  Maybe it's time to change that.

Future Generation

How did we get here?  I find myself more and more often shocked at kids of all ages behaviors. Don't get me wrong, kids have always been rebellious.  I certainly was.  This is different.  It seems more and more kids are being raised to be or should I say allowed to be self-entitled, disrespectful, spoiled, brats.  Here's what I want parents to know.  You think you are helping them.  You don't want them to be sad or upset.  They've had a hard week so we compensate.  We make excuses for them. You want them to have what everyone has.  We want it to be fair.  The truth is we aren't helping them!  We are doing a tremendous disservice to our children.  We are robbing them.  Robbing them of learning to work hard.  Robbing them of the joy of reaching a goal they worked for.  Robbing them of the ability to be self-sufficient.  Robbing them of knowing real life.  Not only that but we are setting them up for failure.  If they are never allowed to fail how will they handle it as an adult?  If they are never given real consequences they are taught there are none.  I absolutely believe in being a proactive parent.  I am in touch with coaches and teachers.  I know what they are working for and I help them to work for it.  I don't do the work for them.  I don't let them get out of it.  If they make a commitment they follow through.  They know if they want something they can have it if they do the work.  Of course there are plenty of times my kids will get something they didn't earn.  A treat, a blessing just because we love them and want to do that for them.  Yet, they don't expect to get anything that way and that is the difference.  I'm not here to criticize other parents and how they raise their children.  There are plenty of ways I fail as a parent every day.  I just want us all to wake up and not rob our children by allowing them to feel so entitled.  So I leave this rambling with a few quotes:

"Opportunity looks a whole lot like hard work."

"When you finish with them the rest of the world has to deal with them. So please teach them respect"

"It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.

New stage

We've definitely entered a new phase of life. The "your kids all found activities that they love so you'll never be home again" phase.  Ok so maybe not quite that bad. I thought we were busy before but this is a whole new level of busy.  Being a homeschool family we've had a somewhat relaxed schedule. Now with one child in an advanced school and the other two doing more challenging curriculum at home our free time has decreased quite a bit. I guess this is to be expected as your kids get older. So right now I'm just trying to work out a good flow to keep everything moving smoothly. I'm definitely not complaining it won't be long before they are all off in the world on their own and we will miss the busyness.

A beautiful mess

This has been one of those weeks where nothing went right.  A lot of craziness going on. Yet I have this overwhelming pit of my stomach feeling...Joy! I think so many times we focus on what is going wrong instead of how much is going right. It's so easy to get caught up in all the negative of the world. I know that I get caught up in the negative way to often. This week despite lack of sleep and all the craziness I just kept getting stopped in my tracks from this overwhelming feeling of joy. I am blessed. Sure my life is far from perfect and this year has been insane. Yet in the grand scheme of things all those negatives look a lot smaller.  I have A great life. I have amazing kids and a husband who is crazy about me. What more could a girl want??? (Except shoes a girl could always use more shoes)

Bryan's mom

Bryan was given an assignment to write a paper detailing something he has overcome.  Just thinking about his story makes me lose my breath.  So I thought I would take a moment and write my version as Bryan's mom.

As an infant Bryan had several issues that were very alarming to a first time mom.  Everything from projectile vomiting (like exorcist style) to throwing up blood.  The crazy thing is his pediatrician at the time just thought I was an over protective new mom.  Which of course was true, I had no idea what I was doing and I took everything that doctor told me as fact.  The doctor said he had to eat every 4 hours so he ate every 4 hours, waking him up in the middle of the night even.  The doctor said no taking him in public, no letting others kiss him and a lot of other demands that our family and friends thought were crazy.   It's ironic that the same doctor that gave me all of these rules dismissed the issues going on with Bryan.  Bryan seemed sick a lot but I was always told it was just a viral infection.  After he threw up blood for the 2nd time and the doctor was STILL saying it's just a viral infection I wised up and switched doctors.  In his very first appointment we learned he had an immune deficiency and needed some breathing treatments.  Adding the breathing treatments and vitamins helped him immensely and for the first time he was without any issues.

Fast forward to preschool.  Bryan was very athletic and outgoing.  He did soccer and baseball.  He went to preschool and loved it.  About this time he started complaining every once and awhile that he felt kind of weak.  It was maybe 4-5 times a year.  It was always very "convenient"  timing....like he was playing and running around fine but now that it's time to clean his room he felt weak.  So I just kind of shrugged it off as not wanting to do chores.

He began kindergarten and was doing really well, continuing to play sports and be active in school.  Again every once and awhile he would feel weak.  He didn't really have the vocabulary to articulate how he was feeling.  We just assumed he was overtired or had a cold.  Then came March 2008, we were getting them ready to go to the grandparents for the weekend.  He looked a little off but wanted to go.  When we got to Joplin he got in the car with his grandpa to go pick up some food.  When they got to the restaurant Bryan couldn't get out of the car.  He couldn't  get up.  We took him to urgent care.  Urgent care immediately sent us to the ER where they admitted him.  They checked his levels and his cpk was over 19000 and for his size it should have been under 100.  They did a ton of tests but nothing came back.  After several days in the hospital his levels began to drop slowly.  The doctor he had in the hospital would become one of our greatest allies.  So after 5 days in the hospital his levels had lowered but still weren't normal. However he was able to get up and move around.  They assumed he had some kind of infection and let him go home.  We continued to have to have his blood work checked every week.  For 7 months he had blood draws every week.  His doctor kept researching but his levels were slowly going down so she said as long as he kept improving we were ok.  Finally 7 months later his blood work came back to normal range.  However Bryan continued to have boughts of weakness.  His doctor started conferring with specialists at Children's Mercy.  It was decided Bryan really needed to be seen by a specialist there.  Every time we went to Children's there were different tests and they were sure they had a diagnosis and every time it came back negative.  During this time we really saw Bryan's health start to deteriorate.  He went from being the best kid of the sports team to the kid the coach was scared to play.  After over a year and a half of tests it was decided he needed to have a muscle biopsy to confirm the diagnosis.

*I should mention during this time of uncertainty I was a complete mess.  I did nothing but sit on the computer all day and research.  If the house got clean it was because my husband did it.  I was consumed with finding out what was wrong with my baby.  They had told us many possibilities and many of those had him dying before he turned 30.  I refused to accept that.  I shut out the whole world, my friends, my family, my church.  I gained 70 lbs during this time.  My sole focus was finding out what was wrong with my baby.

Diagnosis:  After so much time to have a diagnosis to KNOW what was going on no matter what it was was a blessing.  I knew  just knowing what we were dealing with would bring us comfort.  I prayed it would be something that could be fixed with treatment or a surgery. I prayed whatever it was wouldn't affect his life expectancy and that he would be able to live a normal life.  Diagnosis came and while I was sad it was something that couldn't be fixed, couldn't be healed  I was thankful because while it was going to be difficult at least he would be alive!  CPT2 deficiency  was the diagnosis and as if that diagnosis wasn't rare enough Bryan appeared to have a mutated form.  So they would have to wait and see how much it affected him.  Even after having answers it was a struggle.  The common cold made him weak.  Strep throat or the flu landed him in the hospital for at least a week.  He was unable to keep up on the sports field.  He would be dragging his foot as he ran out on the field, he could barely swing a bat.  I saw the light in him go out.  He had always been such a confident kid and this took that from him.  He missed 37 days of second grade from being in the hospital and unable to move.  That's when we decided to give homeschool a try. I remember him coming up to me and saying "mom, I can't wait for heaven because then I can run and run and run and I'll never be weak".  It crushed me.  This was our lowest point.

Since then his doctors have found a good regimen for him.  He has had less and less hospital stays and incidents.  He knows how to manage so he doesn't overwhelm his body.  He has been released to play any spot he wants.  He is back in school and a very challenging school at that. He had lost his confidence but he has learned to gain confidence in who he is and not just his ability. The light in him has returned.  He is doing absolutely amazing.  There are still days when he feels weak and my heart sinks down to my stomach.  But he is so so much better, so much happier and so much healthier.  He has been an amazing, brave, incredible warrior through all of this.  He has taught me so much and I am so very thankful to be his mom.  As Bryan once said "God is going to use this for something amazing."



*I want to take a minute and thank a few people who helped me during this:  Of course to my husband who saw my crazy and loved me through it,  to our family who while they didn't quite understand what was going on they were always there.  To my "girls" who put up with my absences, who loved me through it.  To Becky, Bryan's school nurse who went above and beyond constantly for Bryan.  Who put my mind at ease on a daily basis, thank you.  To his teachers who made concessions for him, kept me informed and loved him through it.  To Cyndi, Carolyn, Randi, Sylvia, Dawn, Arwen and Amber I know I would never have made it through this with out your prayers and support.  A special shout out to my girl Angela who refused  to let me stay in my funk, who made me get out of the house, who pointed out when I was be ridiculous and who loved me through it.  To Marty and Rose for being momma bears for me and always being ready to make me laugh when I needed it.  I am sure I missed people and I don't mean to.  We were incredibly blessed by so many many people and I am very thankful for all of you.

Happy Middle Child Day

Apparently today is Middle Child Day.  So I figured I would take a second to talk about my son.  E is 11 and stuck right in the middle of his brother and sister.  I always have to make sure to pay attention to what he is "not saying".  He's never been a needy kid, never demanded my attention.  He is so easy going.  I have to make sure I'm paying attention to his needs because a most of the time he won't verbalize that he needs attention.  He is not a complainer.  Even when sick if you ask him how he's doing his normal reply is "GREAT".  He has the biggest, most tender heart.  He is extremely smart and talented.  He is incredibly loyal to his friends. I can't wait to see what he does with his life, because I know he is going to do something amazing.  I am so blessed to be his mom.

You. Are. So. Worth. It.

Five little words but what a profound statement.  Chatting with a friend tonight, getting some advice and she sent me those 5 little words.  I immediately felt like the wind had been knocked out of me and began to tear up.  Earlier I posted about finding and following our passion, but how many of us forget our own worth.  Of course if you asked me if I cared about myself, if I was important etc. I would say yes.  However, when you look at how we treat ourselves would that be true.  As moms especially we put others first.  Again, I think that's how it should be.  Yet, when you give and give and give till your tank is empty what do you have left to give?  The answer is nothing.  We have to take care of ourselves, to follow our passion and to remember WE ARE SO WORTH IT!  I'm worth the time. I'm worth the effort. I'm worth it.  Even last night as I was discussing pursuing a career path, I questioned whether or not I should spend the money on myself.  It's wasn't a question of whether we could afford it, or if we needed it for something else.  It was plain and simple am I worth the investment.  Would I have asked that question about spending money on anyone else in my household....absolutely not.  Just as I said in my earlier post how can we expect our kids to follow their passion if we don't follow ours.  How can we expect our kids to see their worth if we can't see our own.  The truth is I am worth it.  I guess sometimes we just need the reminder.  So in case you are reading this and wondering YOU ARE SO WORTH IT!

Finding your passion

I have spoken many times about allowing your children to find their passion and helping them to follow it.  I believe we all have certain God-given talents or characteristics.  Take my daughter for example.  She is extremely driven and goal oriented.  She has tried a lot of different sports and activities in her short life.  However to those who know her it is obvious her passions are dance and art.  Those things just click for her and she is naturally gifted in both but also so passionate about both that she really goes after that.

As parents I feel like all to often we stop following our passion and for some of us we may just never pursue one at all. While I fully believe that once you are a parent your child comes first.  That doesn't mean never pursuing anything for yourself.  I'm always flustered when asked what my hobbies are and what I like to do for fun.... I really don't have a specific hobby like crafts or reading that I could say.  I am passionate about my family.  That much I do know.  I have been tossing around the idea of getting back into the work force for awhile.  However I have a huge list of criteria: It has to be something I can work around our school and kid's schedules, If I need to take classes for it those mostly need to be available online or via homestudy.   No direct sales companies!  Nothing against those who do that.  I've done many and had some great success.  It's just not something I can get my heart into.  Which leads me to my most important criteria: I have to get excited about it.  I definitely want something I can pursue now while the kids are still at home.  I also want it to be something I can build for when they all go off to college.  I have several ideas, some practical and a few impractical.  One I am really excited about looking into. I'm not giving away any details right now.  I am very excited about it though.

So the point of this blog was really just to ask parents: Are you passionate about anything?  Do you have interests you are pursuing?  Can we really teach our kids to find theirs if we have given up on finding our own?

First day of school

While my oldest had his first day at his elite charter school last Thursday, the younger two started today.  E is in 7th grade this year.  Which is incredibly hard for me to fathom.  I think about myself in 7th grade and it amazes me what a huge difference it is. It's amazing what parental guidance and being allowed to be a kid can do for a child.  I often forget how old he is getting.  He's growing up!  His school this year will be very challenging.  He has plans to attend the same school as B next year and we want to make sure he is prepared.  We will also be working on life lessons with him more this year.  He struggles with certain things and we want him prepared as much as possible for the real world.  So we will be teaching how to be a hard independent worker, to learn coping mechanisms and problem solving for when things go wrong.  As well as teaching him to be more aware and responsible.  C is in the 3rd grade this year and she is in for a challenge.  Previously she was behind in reading and so we really focused mostly on that.  While she still struggles with confidence her reading is up to where it needs to be now.  So along with that comes more independent working and skills.  Also we switched grammar curriculum and it's much more challenging.  It has a lot less busy work, but a lot more learning. Each of the kids sat down this morning and wrote out their goals for the year.  They have many and I can't wait to watch them hit each one!  Looking forward to a GREAT year!


Side note: the last year especially school has been a struggle for me. I have let things I was dealing with personally interfere with our schooling and our life in general.  While reading another friend's blog yesterday it dawned on me, I had become that mom that struggled with the day to day and the playing and having fun.  I had let other drama dictate our family.  While I had eliminated the major source of drama, the bad habits I had gained stuck around.  So we are kicking those out too.  So here's to a much happier, healthier, family!

New school year!

So here we are at the start of a new school year and this year will be quite a bit different.  My oldest is attending a fantastic charter school instead of homeschooling this year.  It's the number one school in the state and has a very challenging curriculum.  I think it will be tough but an awesome opportunity for him.  My younger two will still be homeschooling.  Although we changed up our curriculum a bit and made it more challenging for both of them.  They will both have several independent projects they will be working on on top of their normal school schedule.  E will be joining 4H and joining their robotics team.  He is also going to be taking an additional science class (per his request) with an outside teacher.  C will be very busy with dance this year as she has a solo and trio on top of 5 group dances.  She also wants to take art classes and learn to sew.  I'm very excited about all the changes and opportunities coming to our family as we begin this school year.  While B has already started school the other two will start Monday.  Wish us luck!