One year

It's been one year since I made the decision to distance myself from a bad relationship. It definitely has not been easy. However it was definitely the right decision. I am so very thankful and blessed for everyone who has been there for me and helped me through this.  I still wish things could be different but I know they can't, so I have just make peace with that.

Always

6 years ago we were in the middle of diagnosis for Bryan. He had more bad days than good and our life revolved around the calls from the doctors. My best friend sent me this song and honestly my first reaction was anger. I wasn't in a place to receive it. As time went on I found myself listening to it more and more. It ended up being a reminder of hope. Lyrics that spoke to my soul. If you've never witnessed your child battle their own body it can be hard to grasp as a parent the journey that takes you on. I've shared Bryan's story many times so I won't do that now.  This song showed up on my timehop today and I wanted to share it.  So if you are a friend of someone whose family is going through something just know that sometimes just being there is enough and if you feel the need to share something like this with them just know they may not appreciate it at first. But your message may still get through. If you are on the other side and your family is going through something, don't shut out your friends and remember that they mean well even when we aren't up for hearing it just yet.

Here's the link to that song: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qU3G2Xwrd28

Remember

I got up that morning and turned on the tv.  The scene quickly changed from daily laughs to concern.  A plane had crashed into the World's Trade Center.  How did that happen?  Was the pilot inexperienced?  Is everyone ok? I ran in and woke Ben up and told him what happened.  He fell back asleep assuming like most that this was some horrific accident.  My eyes were glued to the tv.  Watching the reporters try to make sense of what was happening.  Then while one reporter talked we could see it in the background. A second plane...  This was not an accident.  This was an ATTACK.  Stunned I went back in and told Ben.  He got up and we continued to watch in shock.  The next few days felt unreal.  Watching everything in disbelief.  We heard about the heroes and the fallen.  Out of the destruction came something I had never seen before.  Our country was no longer divided we were ONE.  It didn't matter which side you landed on politics.  It didn't matter if you were from New York or Iowa we were one.  You could see the difference in people's eyes.  We no longer had the illusion of being safe.  Yet we were connected.  We were sad.  We were angry.  I wept for the baby I was carrying and the uncertain world he was coming into.  It's hard to believe that was 14 years ago.  Images from that day flood my mind like it was yesterday. The second plane, the people running, the pentagon, the look on Bush's face in that classroom, the towers falling, that field in Pennsylvania, and so many many faces of those we lost.  While today we make time to honor those we lost and all the heroes, we remember them always.  As I try to explain every year the importance of this day to my children I remember this quote from Bush.  I want my children to know the strength of our country and while some evil people decided to sucker punch us they can't steal our resolve.


“Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts. The victims were in airplanes or in their offices: secretaries, business men and women, military and federal workers, moms and dads, friends and neighbors. Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror. The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge -- huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness and a quiet, unyielding anger. These acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed. Our country is strong. A great people has been moved to defend a great nation.”  – U.S. President George W. Bush.

My Beloved

My Beloved:  I never made it easy for him.  I had a rough past and with that came a lot of issues.  He loved me through it.  He fell in love with me not even knowing how deeply I was broken.  Yet as he learned more and more he loved me more and more.  He thinks I'm beautiful.  He's always been my biggest supporter.  Anything absolutely anything I want to do or pursue he has my back.  He believes in me more than I could ever believe in myself.  He's been my strength when I've had none.  When the troubles of the world and life have left me weak he has been my constant. He is my voice of reason.    When my world came crashing in on me he continued to hold me. He sees me.  He is my best friend.  He's my favorite.  My Beloved.